Talking Heads

Why do people insist on talking about things they have no idea about? Don't get me wrong, nobody knows everything about everything, so in no way am I judgmental of circumstances when someone is uninformed. That's fine, it's a normal everyday part of life. And I get trying to hang in quietly when a conversation turns to a topic you aren't overly familiar with. I do it all the time, just waiting for the next tangent that I may be able to add to. But to bring up topics that you don't know a damn thing about and try to speak with authority? Just silliness.

Part 13

The next morning Ella was up making coffee before I woke up. It was unusual for her to get up before me, as she always liked lounging in bed a bit. But we’d been having a rough patch after the whole blow up about Mike. I suppose it was bound to happen every now and again, those two would never mix well and I’d always be in the middle.

“Mornin,” I said.

“Coffee?”

“Hmm.” She brought me a mug. It was a little cold, so it must have been waiting for me awhile. “Thanks.”

“Welcome.” It was these odd awkward silences that bothered me. The key to our relationship had always been that we never had awkward silences. I don’t mean we talked all the time, but it was never awkward when we didn’t.

“I’ve been thinking.” She said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, about Mike.”

I groaned. “Look, I know that you don’t really like him and all but…”

“No, nothing like that. I want him to come home for dinner sometime, like we used to.”

“He doesn’t want to go out with us El, we already tried.”

“Not out, and not a setup or anything. I want him to come here, just for dinner. I have a friend I want to have over and it’d be easier if you had a friend too. And she’s just off a bad breakup and they wouldn’t be a good couple or anything. I know he’s not looking and neither is she. Just a dinner party, just to have him over.”

“Not a setup, eh?”

“I wouldn’t set up Mike for a rebound, you know that.” It was true; when Ella tried to get people together she swung for the fences.

“I’ll ask him.” I said.

“No, that’s not good enough. You tell him Will, he’ll do what you say, always has. You’ve been right, I’ve probably been hard on him, maybe a little insensitive.”

“You’ve never been insensitive to anyone in your life.”

“You were right about him needing to move on at his own pace. I still don’t think he will unless someone pushes him, but that’s not really up to me, is it?”

“Neither of us.”

“But he’s a big part of your life, and he used to be part of mine too. I miss Margot and Sarah, and Mike’s all we have left of them. He’s family Will, yours and mine. He should still come over. We should make a habit of it.”

“Okay, we’ll set it up sometime.”

“This weekend, Sylvia’s coming Saturday.”

“Whose Sylvia?”

“Just a new girl at work, she’s nice but new to town. Left some guy back East somewhere, so I’m really not trying to set him up, Will.”

“Okay, Saturday. I’ll tell him. He should be free.”

“Well, he doesn’t work, what could he possibly be doing?”

“He’s got his own life El, I don’t know. But I’ll tell him it’s important.”

“I don’t want him to hate me.” She said.

“He doesn’t hate you, never has never could. You two just… don’t mix I guess. You’re very different from each other.”

“But we have you in common.”

“Well, there’s that.” And I had to smile. This is the first conversation that felt easy in awhile. “I’ll call him later from the office, I doubt he’s up yet.”

“You’ll talk to him today?”

“Promise.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time babe,” I said. “Big plans today?”

“I have to interview with the department head about that maternity position today, but it should be fine. We’ve known each other a long time.”

“That’s great, right?”

“I think so. I better get ready, you need the shower?”

“Go first, I don’t have any early clients today.”

“Okay, thanks hon.”

“Yep.”

And she walked back to the bedroom, leaving me alone with my cold cup of coffee. I didn’t really know whether I should be happy or worried about her wanting to take a more active role with Mike. He’d rather just be left alone, but it’d be easier on me if they had a more cordial relationship.

As soon as I got to work I called Mike.

“Hey Mike, it’s Will.”

“Kinda early, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, but I have to ask you a question. You busy Saturday?”

“Depends, why?”

“You’re coming over for dinner.” I tried to say casually.

“C’mon Will, we’ve been over this.”

“Look, Ella’s been busting my balls about you lately so I need you to come over. She’s having a friend over but it’s not a matchmaker thing. Apparently it’s just some new girl in the hospital, so she doesn’t want her to feel like a third wheel or something.”

“Sure, that doesn’t sound like a setup at all,” Mike said.

“She’s always upfront about that stuff, you know that.”

“I do?”

“Look, you’re coming over on Saturday for dinner, no big deal. Just help me out man, it’s not like we’re going out on the town or anything. Just at the house.”

“Fine, whatever. Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Sure bud, I’ll see you Saturday.”

He grunted and hung up. Can’t say I knew what to expect on Saturday, but it was going to be interesting.

Interesting People

I generally feel prepared to deal with people, like I have a read on them. Most likely you won’t be able to catch me overly off guard, because I keep my defenses up. It’s not that I’m psychic and know what you’ll say before you do, but I’m ready for the kinds of things that you might say. I guess I just feel like I have a pretty good understanding of people and the types of interaction that I have with them.

I suppose this is how people are able to relate to each other, by having a common social connection. There are forms and habits that we share, which create our comfort zones. I don’t see this as a bad thing. As far as I can tell that’s what makes a society work.

However, I always enjoy dealing with someone who I can’t read, where I have no idea what to expect. It’s one of the things I notice first about people, particularly women. Because, well, why would you have it any other way? It’s angular, someone who approaches me in angles I’m not accustomed to.

I don’t know why I like to talk to women who keep me off kilter, but I think it has something to do with how rarely it happens to me. In fact, I do not know a single person right now who makes me feel that way. It’s most likely my own fault, because I very rarely leave my comfort zone. It’s hard to get an in with me for some reason, because I don’t really need other people in a traditional way. Or at least in the popular way.

It’s hard to explain, because being kept off guard and being uncomfortable are different things. There are plenty of people who I don’t understand and can annoy the shit out of me, but I generally have an idea what I’m dealing with. I hate awkwardness to the degree that there is probably a pill I should take. But I do crave some sort of off balance interaction that I haven’t felt for many years.

Maybe people can’t make me feel that way anymore; maybe I have enough life experience to absorb any kind of idiosyncrasy. But I don’t think so, I’ll bet I just haven’t met the right kind of person in a long time. It ain’t tragic, but it isn’t a happy thought either.

The problem with sports...

is that sometimes you lose.

That shit was painful.

Part 12

This is getting close to being the longest continuing story I've ever written, and I don't feel like I've really gotten anywhere yet. Don't know what to make of that notion.

A couple days later I stopped by Mike’s place on the way home, hoping to get an update on how things were going with Sheryl. We weren’t keeping in touch as well as we usually did, which made me nervous. Though I was also probably just anxious about the whole thing, and was hoping things were moving along.

When I got there I found Mike in the garage as usual, but he was obviously drunker than normal. He was sitting in his easy chair staring into space. He didn’t even notice me walk in. I saw and empty bottle of whiskey next to him, and another one that was almost full. I wonder how full the empty one was when he started.

“Hey Mike.” I said.

He looked up at me leisurely, as if he was half dreaming. “Will?”

“Yep.”

“Well I can see that! Come on in bud, have a seat. Have a drink with me.”

“Sure, you still have beer in the fridge?”

“You thirsty?” he said, looking confused.

I chuckled, “Yeah Mike, I’m thirsty.”

“Go ahead then, you have your beer and then you can have a drink with me.”

“We’ll see.” I walked over to the fridge and overheard him muttering, “he ain’t having a real drink with me, nope, I’m gonna a drink alone tonight.” I grabbed a glass on my way back from the kitchen, figuring I’d have to have at least one real drink with him.

“So what’s the word on our target?” I asked.

“Heh, heh, target. I like that, makes it sound all official and shit. Like we’re really doing something.”

“Oh we’re doing something alright.”

“Trying to... Well, Ms. Bowman is keeping her nose clean, clean, clean. She hasn’t done nothing at all, spends all her time going to the store to fix up the old house she lives in. Doesn’t do nothing to help us out.”

“Why isn’t she looking for a job or something, isn’t that part of her probation?”

“Nope, her mom died not long ago, and she inherited a bunch of money so she doesn’t have to work. She’s doing community service stuff, cleaning up garbage on the roadside crew and whatnot. They don’t have her working with kids or anything.”

“Good idea,” I mused.

“Yep, keep the predator from the prey. But I’m the predator now, and it’s also keeping me from my prey. No good. No good at all.”

“Hmm… time will come, always does.”

“Yep,” Mike perked up. “Time always does come, for all of us. You get Ella knocked up yet?”

“Nope, we’re still thinking about it. She’s mad at me, so there isn’t much talk on the subject.”

“Mad at you? No good, no-no good. You always want an open discourse with the wife. It’s key. You do something wrong?”

“I dunno, maybe.”

“Ah, I know that feeling. I’ve always like Ella, but she’s never liked me.”

“Sure she likes you.”

Mike gave a stunted cackle. “Nope, Ella doesn’t like Mike, never did. It’s okay though; we don’t get along because we’re the kind of people who aren’t going to get along. Nothing you can do about it, it’s just one of those things. I like her though; we just can’t ever be friends. She’s a good person.”

“So are you Mike, you’re a good person too.”

“You really like that idea, don’t you? We’re the good guys… fighting evil!”

“And you like the idea that you’re the bad guy.”

“Bad guy? Ha! I’m not a good guy, I’m not a bad guy, I’m just some guy. Ain’t nothing to it really, just a guy. There’s no good or bad, just what is and what isn’t. But you can be the good guy Will, I know you like it.”

“Just want to do a good thing.”

“It’s just a thing. I’m glad though, that you want to help me with it. Even though I think you’re stupid for wanting to do what you want to do.” I was about to protest but he cut me off. “Now I know that you’re going to do it, that you want to get a kill. ‘Get a kill’ sounds so sterile, doesn’t it? Like it’s a bug or a gopher or maybe a pet puppy or something. Put em in a bag and drown em. Her name is Sheryl Bowman, and she is a person.”

“She’s not a person.”

“Sure, just like you and me, see? People are people, and she’s just a bad people. Doesn’t make her inhuman. Inhumane maybe.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

“Hmm… me too. More than enough for me. I’m glad we do this thing we do, it’s what I’ve always wanted to do.”

“No it isn’t, you never would have done this if not for…”

“No, I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for… Frank.”

“Frank?”

“I never told you? His name was Frank, short for Franklin. But he went by Frank.”

“Who did?”

“Good ol’ Frank took away my Margot and my Sarah. Just some guy, his name was Frank.”

“I thought his name was Steve or Stephen or Steph or something.”

“Yep, but his middle name was Frank. He went by Frank.”

I thought that I knew everything about the man who took Mike’s family, but I never knew that he went by Frank. I also didn’t like Mike being on a first name basis with the man who killed his family.

“You know what Will? I’ve always wondered why you weren’t a religious man. You’ve always had faith in people, I’d have thought it would appeal to your sensibilities.” Mike said.

“Me? Nah, it was never me who had faith in people. You were the one who thought the best of everyone.”

“I did?”

“Once upon a time.”

“Hmm… suppose I did, a lifetime ago. I wish that I had a religion, I think it’d be nice.”

“I’m sure we can get you one. I hear most of them recruit.”

“Hmm… I’d like to believe in God so I could hate Him, do you think they’d let me in for that?”

“Probably wouldn’t want to tell them that part.”

“I could blame God, make it all His fault. I could let go of hating my buddy Frank, and could hate God instead. That’d be a comfort, feel like my prayers would hurt His feelings or something.”

“I don’t think you can hurt God’s feelings Mike.”

“No? But I could try, couldn’t I?”

“You could.”

“Yep, maybe I should get a religion. You think it would help?”

“Not really.”

“No? Maybe not then.”

“Probably not.”

“No religion for Mike,” he said. “I don’t think there really is comfort, just a numbing. But at least now I’m the person I’ve always wanted to be… thought I would be.”

I didn’t know what to say to that statement, not really understanding what Mike thought he was. I know that he was something else with Margot, and something more than that with Sarah. While I was thinking of an answer Mike fell asleep, and I could hear his soft snoring. I guess a real update on Sheryl would have to wait till morning.