T4

“Is the doctor done talking to you?” Maggie asked as Tommy re-entered the jungle waiting room.

“I guess.”

“Fantastic, Dr. Marshall is a good man, I think you’ll like him.”

“He seemed okay, I guess.”

“You guess a lot don’t you Tommy?”

“Umm, guess so.” Tommy grinned a shy little smile. Maggie knew immediately that Tommy was a good kid; she’d been doing this long enough to know. “The doc said you’d take me to my room and stuff. And, like, tell me all the rules and stuff.”

“A guesser and a stuffer. Alright Tommy, follow me and I’ll show you around a bit. Let me know if we’re going too fast, or if you have any questions. Okay?”

Tommy stood and waited.

“Okay Tommy?”

“Um, yeah, okay.”

“I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here. You have a lot of questions going on in your head, and you’re better off asking me now.”

Maggie looked young, but Tommy had no idea how old she could be. She looked young enough to be one of the kids in the clinic, but she was obviously older.

She led him out of the waiting room and into a long sterile hall. “Okay, so the rules are pretty simple. We are going to do our best to respect you. That’s the motto of the entire staff; we are all about respecting other people. And we expect, we expect, the same from you, okay Tommy?”

“Okay.”

“Good, I’m going to hold you to that. But I think you’ll be just fine. Now one of the things about respect that needs to be understood, we are going to respect who you are, but you still need to follow the rules. We have a pretty tight schedule here, and we expect you to stick to it. Breakfast is at 7:30 in the cafeteria down here.” Maggie pointed down a hallway as they passed, without slowing down. “School starts at 9:30, which is probably a little later than you are used to. Don’t think that being in here means that you don’t have to study anymore. You have class until one, so it’s a shorter day but we pack a full education in there.”

Tommy shuffled behind her, wondering if he’d be able to find the cafeteria in the morning.

“You are responsible for keeping yourself and your room orderly. You are going to be working with Dr. Marshall, who like I said is a good man. He’s helped a lot of people Tommy, so I’d suggest you listen to him. He’s been a great friend to me over the years.”

Maggie stopped abruptly and turned around to face the kid. She looked at his face and detected only a slight amount of fear. She knew Tommy was scared, they all were. But he seemed to accept where he was, and was obviously adept at hiding his emotions.

“Have you ever lived in a dormitory, Tommy?”

“Umm, not really, no.”

“Always lived with your folks?”

“Yeah, where else would I live?”

“Oh we have students from all walks of life Tommy. Foster homes, some people just off the streets. Remember when I said that we’re all about respect here Tommy? People here have been through lots of things, and you need to try and understand where they are coming from. Okay, down this hall,” she pointed to the left, “this is where you are going to stay. This counter right here will always have someone available if you need anything. “

Tommy looked first at the nursing station, and then back at Maggie. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to do. He looked at her for instructions.

Maggie pulled up her sleeves and showed Tommy her wrists. She had scars on both arms, three vertical lines about 3 inches long from the palm of her hand up her wrists. Around the scars were tattoos of stitches.

“I got these scars from when I was having a rough time as a kid. Stuff happened and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Later on, when I was still too young to know better, I got these tattoos so that I’d always remember.”

Tommy didn’t know what to say, which was answer enough for Maggie.

“You don’t need to understand all of this Tommy, and I’m not showing these to make you nervous. But I want you to know about me so you are prepared for everyone else here. Everyone is here for a reason, and they are all different. Some people are in pretty bad shape and need help. If you try to accept and understand them it’ll help. If you judge them, or you judge me, you’ll be making a big mistake. This place can be overwhelming, just take it slow.” Maggie didn’t like giving speeches, but sometimes she just got going. Tommy wasn’t fighting back like some of the other kids, so she let loose. “And everyone here can get better, I know from experience.”

“It’s going to be hard being away from home with all of these new people. We understand that, and we are going to be sensitive to it. But I need you to do the best you can. Can you do that for me Tommy?”

“Okay.”

“You promise you’ll try?”

“Promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to your promise Tommy. Are you good for it?”

“That’s what promises are for.”

Maggie smiled, the kid had showed some spunk, albeit meekly. Gotta have at least a little heart to make it in here she thought, he at least showed he’s got some.  He's going to need that sense of humor.

“Good, this is your room.”

Tommy looked into the room like he was afraid to intrude on someone else. It had white walls and floors, with a small metal bed. It looked clean. It looked sterile. It was oddly intimidating.

“I know it doesn’t look like much, but you’ll be able to do some decorating later on. There is a shared bathroom down the hall, over there, to the left. Remember the counter back down the hall? We’re going to go back there to get you some sheets, and then I’ll introduce you to some of the staff.”

Tommy looked in the room again, trying to find some way to make it feel like home.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be alright. This can be a good place, even though it may not feel like it now.”

“Maggie?”

“Yes Tommy.”

“Did you stay here, when you got…” and he pointed to her wrists.

“No, but looking back I wish I had a place like this when I got these. You never know, maybe I wouldn’t have these scars now. You just never know.”

“Okay.”

Maggie looked at him straight in the eye, and Tommy didn’t flinch.

“C’mon, let’s get your stuff and get you all situated. Did they tell you that you get to wear a uniform?”

Bad Timing

I was cleaning out the garage and found some old pictures. Like high school old.

Costco had a deal on a scale, and I figured what the hey, it'd be good to know how much I weigh.

Bad idea. I see my skinny former self and then I step on the scale and have a number to confirm my fattiness.

I know that I've been steadily inching towards obesity the last ten years, but putting these two pieces together is just depressing.

Damn.

Mental Notes

• I’m against any sport that encourages men to wear spandex*
• Want to know the secret to the power of positive thinking? Mental Masturbation.
• Any conversation that begins with, “If I was gay…” means that you are.
• I don’t have enough time to be well rounded.


*Some people may want to dock me on this because of football. But if you’re 6’4’’ 260lbs and run a 4.5 40 you can wear whatever you want. I won’t say nada.

Newbies!

You have to love new employees.  They take twice as long to accomplish anything because they have no clue what they are doing.  But they are so damned enthusiastic, you have to appreciate the effort.  Especially given todays economy.

I was just told to have a blessed day at a check-out line.  Blessed.  I don't even know what that means, but the clerk really seemed like he meant it.

Maybe he's blessed because he gets to work at Staples today, and I'm blessed because I don't.

T3

Tommy sat in the waiting room alone.  They made his mother drop him off and leave to another room, presumably to sign him in.  It felt like waiting for the dentist.  Tommy frowned at the thought, he hated going to the dentist.

            The walls were bright pastel colors with green leaves.  He supposed it was supposed to help him relax in some sort of forest setting.  Again, like the dentist.  Maybe they should put some Valium in the fluoride, that should cure most of the anxiety. 

 

            “Tommy?”           

            Tommy looked over to the receptionist.

            “The doctor will see you now, just go through that door.”

            “Okay, thanks.”

            “You’re very welcome.”

 

            When Tommy opened the door the first thing he noticed was how different this room was from Dr. Ashley’s.  He wondered whether the doctor would be different.

            “Thomas Calvin?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Come on in, have a seat.”

            “On the couch?”

            “If you want, or this chair is fine.”

            Tommy went to the chair and sat down.  The doctor just looked at him as if he was trying to find something out.  Tommy stared right back at him. After a few moments the doctor’s stare won, and Tommy had to look away.

            “My name is Dr. Marshall.”  Dr. Charles Marshall looked to be in his early to mid thirties.  He seemed harmless enough to Tommy.

            “Well Mr. Calvin, first things first.  What do I call you?”

            “Call me?”

            “Yeah, are you a ‘Mr. Calvin’ or a 'Tom’ or a 'Tommy?’”

            “ It doesn’t matter.”

            “No, it really doesn’t, but you still get to pick.”

            “… okay.  Everybody calls me Tommy.”

            “And you don’t mind being called Tommy.”

            “It’s fine.”

            “Then Tommy it is.  I remember when I was a kid everybody called me Charlie and I hated it.  I spent my entire high school years getting people to call me Charles.  It drove my mom nuts, since I had always been Charlie.  And that’s why I ask.”

            “So you’re Charles?”

            “Everybody calls me Charlie.”

            “Oh.”

            “That’s the thing about names Tommy, they tend to stick.  Might as well get comfortable with them.”

            “I guess.”

            “Well Tommy, let’s talk about you.”  Charlie waited a moment, to see how the boy reacted.  Sometimes the new kids cried, sometimes they didn’t.  Tommy didn’t seem like he was going to react at all.

            “Okay.” Tommy replied.

            “Why are you here?”

            “Here?”

            “Yeah, here in my office, here in this clinic.  Looking here,” Charlie held up a file.  “It looks like you are going to stay with us for at least a little while.”

            “Doesn’t it say why I’m here?”

            “Eh, I never put much stock in files.  And since you’re here now, we might as well find out from the source.”

            “I, uh, think you should just read the file.  It says why I’m here.”

            “Okay Tommy, let’s take a look.”  Charlie scanned the file, though he had already read it earlier in the day.  “Well Tommy, this really doesn’t say anything at all.”

            Tommy was confused.  His mother wasn’t around to tell the doctor what the problem was, and if the file didn’t say anything.  Well, Tommy had no idea why he was there.

            “I guess that I’m depressed.”

            “Guess?”

            “That’s what I’ve been told.  Isn’t that what the file says?”

            “It mentions possible depression.  Are you depressed?”

            “Sure, I guess.  I dunno.”

            “Yeah, me either.  Well let’s not worry about that right now.  I know that today is your first day here and I know that it’s not an easy transition.  You are going to get your own room in a dorm with other kids around your age.  You’re fifteen, right?”

            “Yeah…”

            “Okay, well this facility will be your home for awhile, and Maggie up front will give you a tour and let you know the rules.  Do you have any questions?”

            “I dunno.  I think I might have some questions later, when I, like, know the rules and stuff.”

            “I suppose your right, just let us know whenever you need anything.  Tomorrow you’ll get to meet our other students, and we’re all here to help each other.  It was very nice to meet you Tommy.  I look forward to working with you.”

            “Umm… thanks Dr. Marshall.”

            “Go ahead on out, Maggie will show you around.”

            “Okay.”  Tommy walked towards the door, and as he twisted the doorknob.  “Dr. Marshall?”

            “Yes Tommy?”

            “Do you know how long I have to stay here?”

            “I’m sorry Tommy, I don’t know yet.”

            Tommy nodded his head as if he already knew the answer, and walked out the door.

            Charlie felt bad for the kid; it’s always hard on the first days to be in a new place away from everything you know.  Sometimes he wondered if the worst trauma for all these kids was being stuck in this place.  Sometimes he felt like a warden, and he hated it.

Mental Notes

• We should call highway patrol cops meter maids and make their siren lights look like big bows. They’re already black and white, might as well go all the way French maid.
• If a black person calls me “cracker,” is “brownie” an appropriate retort?
• I had an epic battle on the freeway today with a Buick, we must have exchanged the lead ten times in 45 minutes. The only problem was that I was on cruise control, and he was using the gas pedal like an on/off switch.
• There is such a thing as a stupid question. If you don’t believe me try speaking in front of a group of people and see what happens.
• The answer is generally no, and if it’s not no, it probably should be.
• I want everyone to go to the DMV and then read about the stimulus package and see what you think.
• The term cocktail makes no sense, but the phrase cocktail waitress does…odd.
• I walked into a Walmart today and I felt dirty. I think it was the food stamp express lane that started my revulsion.*
• I read a study that found people who listen to Justin Timberlake and Beyonce are less intelligent than average. That’s about a 9 on the No Shit Sherlock Scale. I’ll bet people who listen to punk have anger issues. Somebody needs to fund that study, these are the things we need to know.


* Okay, there wasn’t a food stamp line, but you thought it was possible. Admit it.

Last Night

It's been a terrifically busy weekend, and this is about all I could come up with. My apologies.


Last Night


The morning was short
Shorter than we’d ever believe it to be
The day was just beginning
Evening was far away
We had all the time the sun could give
But the clouds came early

I had the time
Waiting for later in the day
We had the time
Before the evening was here
We could wait
Just a little while longer

I had the time

I had the time
Didn’t know about it then
It wasn’t mine
It’s been taken away
It feels lost
When it all becomes loss

It was the last night
I’d ever see you again
The last night
I could ever hold you again
The last night
For me again

Mid-Mid-Life Crises?

Life is interesting, if only because it never seems to change day by day until one day you wake up and realize that nothing is the same. I understand that this is in no way a new concept, and that it manifests itself in a variety of ways. But right now, for my generation, it’s concentrated on one idea.

The beginning is over.

I am, as are many of my friends, in the limbo stage of life where we’re in between youth and aged. We’re adults because we’ve passed the stage of youth, though we are still relatively young (late 20’s to mid 30’s.) You may wonder why this is interesting; it seems like a natural thing that happens to everybody. I’d have to agree with you, the only reason I find it interesting is because it’s happening to me.

The beginning is over.

When you are truly young the future is a big abyss full of whatever you want it to be. You literally have your whole life ahead of you, and can become whatever you want, do whatever you want, and have time for anything and everything. At least that’s what our parents and teachers told us. Ask and you shall receive. The fact that this ideology is utter bullshit is beside the point, because for the most part we believed it. We are afforded this luxury because time is only ahead of us, with almost nothing left behind.

Now I’m not saying that my generation is over the hill, or that our lives are over. If your twenties are the best years of your life, you are probably doing something wrong. However, the idea of promise and potential is a youthful ideal. The belief that we can do anything and be anyone is taken away.

I don’t get to start over, or erase the mistakes that I’ve made. There is no first time, or opportunity to try anything without consequence. I can try again. That’s the difference. The time of beginnings (yes you can have several) is over for me and mine. We now have all the baggage of our lives to carry with us wherever we go. We don’t get to start over; we only can try again. Hopefully our baggage is wisdom rather than regret, but if we’re honest we can only hope for a little of both.

In the end I’m not sure it really matters, because being young is overrated. It’s something we all want back, but we don’t really understand why. If we could do it again knowing what we know now, perhaps it would be better. But that’s not the way of it; it’s simply an open stage. And now that I know the rest of the stages of my life are going to continually be less open, I’m not sure what to make of things.

This is what we’re going through, and it’s what everyone else went through.

It’s still significant to me.

Tommy 2

“You have got to be kidding me, there’s no way.”
“It’s already done Matt, just get on board.”
“I can’t believe this, do you really think this is necessary? It’s goddamn ridiculous!”
“Maybe if you were around more you’d have some kind of idea about what’s going on in this house. Ever think about your son and what he’s going through? All you ever think about is yourself, not me or Tommy. It’s just you, you, you. No room for the rest of us.”
“I work Carol, it’s called a job. What do you want me to do, quit the job so I can play catch with the kid after school? I’m doing the best I can, but I have to work.”
“You need to get your priorities straight and pay attention to your family.”
“I don’t know what you want from me. I’m home every weekend. I don’t go out with the guys after work.”
“You go out all the time!”
“With clients! I go out with clients. It’s how I do my job.”
“Maybe if your job was a little less important and your son was a little more important, he wouldn’t need all this help.”
“I can’t believe you took him to see a shrink, he’s gotta think something’s wrong with him now.”
“Something is wrong, he needs help. I talked to the doctor and she totally agreed with everything I said. It’s like I’ve been telling you but you never listen. Pay attention to me sometime Matt, and maybe you’d understand what’s going on.”
“Why don’t you enlighten me Carol.”
“What do you care? You never listen to what I have to say, you obviously don’t care about either of us.”
“I’m right here, right now. I’m listening, Carol, why don’t you tell me what’s so wrong with him? He seems fine to me.”
“Fine! You think he’s goddamn fine? He’s depressed Matt, and he’s obviously miserable being around you.”
“The hell you talking about? We get along just fine.”
“This is exactly what I mean you stupid shit, you don’t pay attention to anything. He sleeps too much, he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, he doesn’t have any friends. Tommy is obviously hurting and it doesn’t help that you don’t pay attention to him at all.”
“He’s fifteen years old, he doesn’t want to spend all his time talking to us anymore. It’s called being a goddamn teenager!”
“Oh yeah? Well that’s not what the doctor said, alright? I told her all about how he’s acting and all the reading I’ve been doing about what might be bothering him. And she said that I was spot on. Spot fucking on Matt.”
“Of course she agreed with you, that’s what shrinks do. You pay them, they listen and tell you what you want to hear. That’s the whole point!”
“It’s always about the money with you, all you care about is the goddamn money! Therapists listen and try to help Matt, that’s what they do. They try to help people, not that you’d know anything about that.”
“Christ Carol, you must be out of your goddamn mind. You want to send him to some loony bin because he won’t talk to you anymore? What’s the matter with you?”
“It’s not a fucking loony bin Matt, it’s a clinic.”
“Yeah, a clinic for crazy kids, it’s goddamn ridiculous.”
“He needs help and I can’t do it on my own. You don’t care enough to do anything about it, obviously.”
“He’s just a kid, there’s nothing wrong with him. Just give him a little time and space and he’ll be just fine.”
“He’s struggling, and I can’t fix him by myself. And you won’t goddamn help because you can’t even waste enough time to notice that something’s wrong. Look around you Matt, there’s a whole world out here that you need to pay attention to from time to time.”
“You know what Carol? Do what you want. Send him to whatever goddamn crazy clinic you want to. God help him in one of those places, these doctors are goddamn leeches. Jesus, I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you to fucking care about somebody other than yourself!”
“I bust my ass every goddamn day to provide for my family, that’s what I do.”
“Bullshit Matt.”
“That’s right, whatever I say is bullshit. Every time I say anything it’s bullshit to you. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I can’t win, it’s absurd. This whole thing, you’re fucking absurd. I’m done, do what you want, send the kid away so you feel better about yourself. Fuck do I care.”

Tommy could hear the whole argument from his room. He didn’t know if his parents didn’t know that he could hear them, or if they didn’t care. It didn’t matter; he’d heard versions of the same fights over and over. He rolled over and put a pillow over his head to try and sleep. They’d be at it for hours.

Tommy

Whoever decided to decorate this room had some very specific ideas in mind. Sitting on the soft yet uncomfortable chair, you can almost hear the conversation.
“I want to show that I am intelligent and successful.”
“A large opulent oak desk sets that tone.”
“Perfect, that’s exactly what I was thinking. And I want a big bookcase in the corner there, and a buffet where I can put up my degrees. It can’t be all business though, I want people to remember that I’m still young and hip, it needs to be professional but still have some sex appeal.”
“I like where you’re going, something fun and sassy, but with class…”
“Exactly.”
And what did they come up with? A big intimidating desk that dominates the room surrounded by other huge unnecessary pieces of furniture. But there was also nice picture of a pink flower on one of the walls. And little porcelain horses, all in magnificent poses. This was a room with a split personality, and Tommy didn’t think he liked either of them.
His mother was still in the lobby talking to Dr. Ashley. They told him to sit inside and wait, and he felt uncomfortable. Tommy is 15 years old and while he thinks himself old enough to be manly from time to time, this was not one of those times. The huge desk was intimidated him and he felt like it was oppressing the rest of the room. The degrees on the buffet were staring at him, looking down on him really.
What could they be talking about? Tommy wondered. But he knew the answer really, though he couldn’t understand it. His mother was telling Dr. Ashley what was wrong with him, so that she could make the correct psychoanalysis. His mom should know, she’s seen more shrinks than anyone else he ever heard of. She liked reading about different personality disorders online, and self-diagnosing. At a certain point she ran out of complications, and now it was Tommy’s turn to be fixed.
He didn’t want to be here.


“Thanks for waiting, Tommy” the young doctor said. “How are you feeling today?”
“Umm, okay I guess.”
“Good, I’m glad you made time to come in to see me today, it seems like we have a lot to talk about.”
Tommy didn’t know what they could possibly have to talk about, so he didn’t respond. All he was thinking about was Dr. Ashley’s low cut blouse. He was only fifteen, and really had no choice in the matter. God had been overly generous with the young doctor, and she apparently wanted to show it off. Tommy wondered if she knew that most overweight people have large breasts like hers, so it really wasn’t such a big deal. But he couldn’t stop looking, even though he wanted to.
Ashley smiled, she liked being looked at, even if it was just from a boy. There is something good about being desired.
“What do you think we should talk about Tommy?”
“Dunno, what do you want to talk about?”
“Well we’re here for you today, and your mother said that you have some things on your mind. Do you?”
“I guess.”
“Like what?”
“Nothing in particular, really. I dunno. I think I’m not really sure what I’m here to talk about, so if mom said there’s something we should talk about, we should talk about that.”
“Let’s talk about your depression then.”
Tommy didn’t really understand the term depression. Well, that’s not quite true, he understood the term just fine. He wasn’t sure what to feel about it though. Was he depressed? He supposed that he wasn’t particularly happy all the time.
“She said I’m depressed?”
“Yes Tommy, she says that you’re withdrawn and don’t have any friends.”
“I have some friends, I mean, not a lot I suppose. But I talk to some people at school and all.”
“That’s good Tommy, it’s good that you have some friends. I have lots of friends myself, and I can always look to them for help when I’m down in the dumps. And from what I’ve heard, you are a bit down, aren’t you?”
Am I? “I guess.”
“So what is it about your father that seems to be making your life so difficult?”
“Dad?”
“Your father is obviously difficult for you to deal with, your mother filled me in on all of the details. It’s okay to be upset with him, we can talk about it.”
Tommy’s father wasn’t a particularly upsetting person, he didn’t really inspire any kind of emotion. He was just Dad, and that seemed like all he needed to be.
“What am I supposed to be upset about?”
“Come on Tommy, I think we both know what the problems are. We just need to dig deep and really explore where these feelings stem from, so that we know how to deal with them.” Dr Ashley sat patiently, waiting for Tommy to begin his catharsis. It was always her favorite part.
“Umm… Am I supposed to be mad or something?”
“You can be.”
“Okay,” Tommy thought for awhile, trying to figure out what he was mad about today. “Do I have to be?”
“You have to deal with your anger Tommy, and I will not let you be afraid. I’m right here with you, and we will work it out together.”
“Thanks…”
“Now let’s talk about your anger, and why you are having such trouble with your father.”
Tommy was more than just a little confused. He wasn’t ever particularly close to his father, at least not in the let’s play catch in the backyard kind of thing. But they seemed to get along alright he thought. At least they didn’t fight about things as much as some of his friends fought with their folks. They lived in the same house and dealt with each other. Tommy wondered what his father was doing wrong, so that he could tell Dr. Ashley what he was mad about.
“I’m not sure what to say.”
“Just let it out Tommy, say what you need to say.”
“Umm…”
“C’mon Tommy, I’m here to help you. We can trust each other here, this room is a very safe and warm place for people to share. You can tell me anything and I won’t be mad. Just let it all out.”
Tommy felt like crying, but not because he was angry. He thought if he cried he wouldn’t have to talk anymore. He sometimes did that with his mother. She’d push and push about this or that, and he’d just cry. He didn’t have any reason to cry per se, but she seemed to feel that whatever was wrong was suddenly solved. And if mom feels better, Tommy thought, then I must feel better.
But would this work with Dr. Ashley? People must cry here all the time, there’s a box of tissues on the desk and everything. He wasn’t sure he really should cry for a complete stranger, at least not without having a good reason.
“Okay Tommy, I’ll start. Your father is not a very strong man, and he doesn’t show you enough attention, is that right?”
“Okay?”
“And all you really want is for him to act more like your father and less like your friend, and to show you some boundaries. Are we getting closer?”
To what? He wondered.
“I guess.”
“So you feel like your father is not in control, which makes you feel like you aren’t in control. And this is hard and makes you feel lots of things. You’re angry.”
He knew she was waiting for an answer, so he looked at his shoes. It seemed to work.
“And you’re sad.”
I should get new shoelaces, these are ratty.
“And you don’t know what to do.”
I do like the carpet though, so they did get something right with the room.
“And everything feels like it’s spinning out of control.”
Carpet is nice, but it seems so much dirtier than wood floors. You can’t clean underneath the carpet, so stuff gets stuck and just stays there.
“And these feelings are overwhelming.”
I wonder if those steam cleaners really do a good job, wouldn’t that just make mold?
“Am I right Tommy?”
“Umm…okay I guess.”
“Life does seem difficult sometimes, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah.” And it did. Tommy was confused about lots of things. He was confused about his home life, and apparently he was angry. He was confused about why his mother wanted him to see this doctor, and he was really confused by what they were talking about. Life is damn confusing, he thought. Maybe this doctor is on to something.
“So what should we do about it?”
“About life being hard?”
“Yes.”
“I dunno,” he mumbled. He really didn’t.
“Well we’ll just have to find a way to make you happy again. Life is all about trying to be happy Tommy, and I think that I can help you feel happy. How does that sound?”
“Good.”
“You do want to be happy, don’t you?”
“It’d be alright I guess.”
“Good”
Dr. Ashley proceeded to write down notes in a leather bound notebook. Tommy was wondering how much it had cost, and whether the pages were lined or not. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do here, so he waited.
After Dr. Ashley left to go back to the lobby to talk to his mother he could make out bits and pieces of what they were saying, but never enough to make any sense of it. He thought that he may have understood anyway, he heard his mother talk about these things before.
“Distracted.” “Reserved.” “Won’t open up.” “Can’t share.” “Help.” “Young.”
Tommy thought about all these words he was hearing, wondering what kind of sentences they were part of. All he did know was that he was scared again in this big room. Whatever his mother and the doctor were talking about, he felt like it might be a big deal.