Somewhat Damaged

Current political events have got me thinking about idealism, which is never a good topic for me.  I get it, I appreciate it, and I hate it.  I also don’t relate to it and never really have, so I don’t have the same long-term connection to it that others do.  Children are generally pretty idealistic (and incredibly mean) creatures, but I was never particularly optimistic (though I was mean.)  And please realize that not being optimistic does not make one a pessimist by default.  Those are opposites, not an either/or scenario.

Adult idealism is cute in it’s way, and it certainly has it’s uses.  I’d say the arts in particular have a need for chimerical thinking.  But blind faith and idealism is so remarkably easy and servile that there is no firm grasp on reality.  Idealism in politics, religion, or sports are so pervasive that you would almost believe they are fact based.  This is not to say that your politics, religion, or sporting affiliations are only a product of misguided idealism.  But it does mean that many adherents to your politics, religion, or sporting affiliations are guided by idiotic idealism.  And idiotic is the proper term for idealism when you get to be, I don’t know, an adult.

People want to hope for the best, to believe that good always wins.  This is apparent in our novels, our movies, and in the stories of our lives that we tend to share.  People like parables, they like to have meaning.  So do I, by the way.  I just compartmentalize entertainment away from reality.  The power of positive thinking is nothing more than mental masturbation.  This is all well and good in its place, just don’t place it everywhere.  The world is primarily grey, there is very little black and even less white.

I know that I tend to attack people’s paradigms, and for no reason other than I can.  On a Wiggin scale I’d probably be more Peter than Valentine (which would make me what?)  It’s a fault that won’t change, and I won’t apologize for something that I cannot control.  But in many instances, I think that I’m right to do such a thing, though not necessarily in such a hurtful manner.  People tend to have faith in their hopes, and that often leads to tragic mistakes.  When you follow a belief for the sake of the belief, you can never build the foundation to hold it up.  Belief has value as a beacon, but not an action.

Not to say that realists don’t make mistakes, we just make a different kind.  I’m simply less aggravated by the arrogant mistakes of people who think they know what’s best based on what they know, rather than the arrogant mistakes of people who believe they know what’s best because of what they hope.  Both ends of the spectrum are damaged, I’ll admit.  I just would hope more people would aim for the middle.  I’ve always thought being somewhat damaged is the appropriate goal.

But is it really?

“I guess it’s better than being alone.”

That’s a lyric from a song I’ve liked recently, though admittedly it isn’t all that original.  It’s one of those things that you see and hear alot, actually.  And the connotation is pretty consistent as well; not being alone is better than being alone.  I completely disagree.

Part of this may be the anti-social in me, but give me a little latitude here.  Being alone is frackin awesome!  You get to do what you want (nothing,) it’s quiet (with nothingness,) and it’s completely freeing (with nothing to get in the way.)  I enjoy my alone time; it’s where I’m most comfortable.  So for me, the phrase “it’s better than being alone” is astounding because whatever “it” is must be amazing!  It’s better than being alone?  What is this awesomeness?  Because alone rocks.  

Hold on a second, I know what you’re thinking.  How am I turning this negative statement into a positive statement?  That’s not my style, I’m the guy who can make you feel guilty for having happy (shallow) thoughts.  Aha!  That may be what ya’ll think, but it’s not always true.  If something is better than being alone it must truly be special.  I can’t imagine what it could possibly be, however, so I get to keep my downer cred.

Here’s the thing, the very concept that being alone is negative bothers me.  I get that humans are somewhat social creatures.  I also get that being alone can be a sign of being an outcast.  Trust me, I’ve had more than my fair share of unavoidable alone time.  You know, sitting around in a social setting with no one to talk to.  That can blow.  Side note:  Loneliness is far more acute with a group of people.  AKA: Junior High

But is that most of your alone time?  Do you avoid spending time by yourself because you’re scared of feeling that way?  I’d certainly hope not.  If you aren’t comfortable when no one else is around, how can you possibly be comfortable when someone is?  Own your alone time, it’s the only time you don’t have to share.  You can never be yourself as much as when you’re by yourself.  If you don’t know who you are alone, then you definitely don’t know who you are with someone else.  Now that can’t be healthy.

Seriously, name a single relationship defined by “it’s better than being alone” that ever actually turned out to be better than being alone?  See?  Alone is awesome.  

Non-Accomplishments

        I really don’t understand celebrating non-accomplishments.  And I will start off fair here, I’m not actually a huge fan of “celebration” in general.  But still,  I do understand celebrating accomplishments.  For the most part I’m pretty passive when people want to commemorate a whole lot of nothing, though on occasion I will protest.  And rant about it, like so.

        Many people like to have excuses for their actions.  “I want to go to happy hour with friends... I know!  It’s admin assistant day!  Yay!”  Yeah... that’s not necessary.  I’m an unapologetic guy, so if I want to get together with friends for happy hour, I’ll just ask them if they are free.  I have never done so, but I certainly would.  Creating false excuses for an activity makes it a false activity.  It’s a time consuming and absurdly unnecessary step.

        Birthdays exist in a grey area here, because some are legitimate milestones.  But at a certain point, how many of them really matter?  18, 21, 25, 30, 40, 50, 75... 90, 91, 92, 93.  For a solid 70 years every decade is the only time I’d actually see it as a borderline achievement for celebration.  You only get to think of not dying as an accomplishment if dying is the more likely scenario.  Think hospitals or war zones, or a hospital in a war zone.  That pretty much covers the list.  

        There are some other grey area accomplishments in my book.  Graduating high school, for instance.  Where I grew up most of us did graduate, it was an expected result of being in school.  So was it really an accomplishment?  In my eyes no, so no reason to dwell on it.  But again, it’s an actual accomplishment/milestone of a kind, so I completely understand other people wasting valuable time and money.

        What I really don’t understand at all is celebrating complete non-accomplishments.  If everyone gets the same trophy at the end of a tournament, none of the trophies matter.  You can get ice cream or a cookie afterward; but let’s not have a party.  If you come to work on time everyday you don’t deserve a pat on the back, you did your job.  

        I guess what really bugs me is that if you celebrate things that don’t really matter just because, you are doing a disservice to every celebration that has a purpose.  If you get a promotion you deserve to commemorate the moment because you achieved something.  But what if you had a party after you didn’t get fired during your probationary period?  Doesn’t that cheapen the later accomplishment?

        Then there are the children, the dirty, dirty children.  I’m on record as not being that great with kids.  I’m not inept, which again should not be seen as an accomplishment.  But we inundate our kids with these absurd congratulations and then they grow up thinking that they are automatically wonderful.  No you aren’t!  You are automatically mediocre or worse, but you can strive to be better.  You are SUPPOSED to strive to be better.  I was in an asinine basketball league as a kid that didn’t keep score.  If you can’t win, why in the bleepingly bleep bleep would you bleepingly bleep bleep even bleeping play!  I prefer not to reinforce mediocrity.  That’s why I tend not to be a repeat customer to shitty restaurants.  Don’t be a repeat customer to shitty children.

        So if you want to celebrate nothing, by all means do so.  Just don’t include me, you know how riled I can get.  If you want to reward or celebrate something of value I’ll reluctantly play ball, if you want delegitimize value for the future I probably won’t.  And then I’ll rant about it.

        I’ve had a lot of caffeine.

Really?

        Have you ever been to a store and after making your purchase heard the cashier morosely tell you to “have a wonderful day?”  Okay, that’s a stupid question.

        But have you ever been tempted to say “I don’t think you really mean that?”

        They don’t care how the rest of my day goes, and really, why would they?  I don’t particularly care how their day goes either, so it’s not like I’m blaming them.  Our interaction is completed, the rest of my day has nothing to do with you and vice versa.  I’m simply not a big fan of absurdities in the social contract.  You pretend to wish I have a good day, I pretend to hope that you do too...

        I’ve worked with people for many years now and in quite a few different settings.  I know that the corporate idea is that you thank people for their business so that they will come back and spend more money.  It’s a simple and painless way to increase sales.  Except that it doesn’t really work.  If you want to get my sale it is far more important not to be a douche during the entire process before we part ways.  The goodbye is near the bottom of the list of things I care about, and way below the hello.

        But really, if you’re going to tell me to have a wonderful day, please don’t sound so defeated.  Because while I already know you don’t mean it, that just makes it worse.