Let’s talk communication, since it’s such an important part of our lives. Also, it’s one of the things that I hold most dear. It’s pretty well known that I’m a big fan of language, particularly English since it’s all I know. I like the ways it can be used, and am fascinated by how it can be manipulated. I almost went to law school because of how interested I was in that manipulation. It can be powerful, but it too often is not.
However, I do think in our day and age communication is changing at a prodigious rate. We’ve got twitter and Facebook, blogs and email, and heck we still have phones and face-to-face conversations. Honest, you are allowed to take that Bluetooth out of your ear and say hello, I swear. I’m discounting written letters a bit, since I can’t remember the last time I wrote or received an honest to goodness snail mail piece of paper. Christmas cards are about as in depth as the U.S. Postal service has to offer anymore.
Here’s a thought, how many long distance relationships would have been saved with cell phones? I want you to think about relationships that survived the inconsistent mailings during WWII. People kept in touch as best they could, in the most erratic way possible, and some of them made it. We hear those stories, but I’m willing to bet a pretty penny that more often than not those relationships died. John and Abigail Adams had some pretty significant communication in their day; do you know a couple with that kind of fortitude? I can’t think of one that comes close, and I mean in all my acquaintances.
Living on the other side of the country from your girlfriend or boyfriend in college? Skype. Instant Messaging. Email. Everyone has a cell phone. Guess the percentage of long distance relationships that survive that first college year? It’s a low number I guarantee. And that’s without a war or having to wait for an actual letter to hopefully arrive. I grant you that the ability of a 17 or 18 year old to sustain any kind of relationship is low, but I think my point still stands.
But now that we have these relatively easy means to communicate, I think that we often lose the significance of communication by taking it for granted. I can send you a photo from my cell phone in 5 seconds. Do you think keeping someone’s picture in your wallet is as significant as it once was? How fast can you type? I could send you a 2,000 word email in 35 minutes if I was so inclined. Thank God for spell check. And I’m slow.
We do have to be careful with any written correspondence, and to a lesser extant vocal. You do lose the ability to judge tone and intention. I’m a firm believer that significantly emotional communication through writing should only be undertaken by lovers. If you are in love you can write with the inherent understanding that the other person is reading with a shared perspective. And even that is dangerous. Regular communication (and it can be significant and heart felt, just not emotional) and business correspondence work great with email, but you still have to be careful.
Even a phone call is a dangerous way to communicate if you treat it like a face-to-face encounter. The old saying that they eyes are the windows to the soul is instructive, though overly dramatic. I’m sure most of us have heard of studies about how the tone of a sentence is more important than the word choice. But if I get to hear you and look in your eye I’m more likely to know your meaning. Nothing is ever going to be like getting to know somebody up close and personal.
Now I do like some of these tools, and I use them quite often. It’s easy to send an email, and when used properly can be a great way to keep in touch or get to know someone better. I try to be careful with them, because it’s also easy to use technological communication as a means of avoiding real communication. If you’re emailing me because it’s convenient (ex. Different time zones, different schedules, just a quick note) I’m all for it. But if you’re emailing me because you can’t be bothered to call or come see me? Don’t bother. Because if you really don’t want to talk to me it’s just fine, buck up and own it. I think my comfort level with Facebook has been documented before, so I’ll leave that one alone.
Don’t get me wrong, I like to communicate and rely on all the forms out there. I am actually better able to express myself typing here than I would be to talk to someone off the cuff. But I’m probably only better writing what I mean when I’m the one reading it. A lot can be lost in translation. So let’s use the tools we have, but understand that they don’t replace a good old fashioned get together for coffee.
P.S.
Let me give you an example of how these tools change language. Notice in this post and others how often I start a sentence with the word “but.” Now think back to your elementary teachers and what they would have said about it. The new prevalence of written communication (email, blogs, Facebook, Myspace, etc.) has turned much of our writing into simple conversation. 25 years ago writing was more formal, because it almost always was more formal. I get away with stuff now that I never would have, and you probably didn’t even think about my poor grammar skills. Times they are a changing.
