Aussies

They have a great accent, don’t they? You hear someone with an Australian accent and you just assume that they are badass. It could be some fat bastard, but when you hear him talk you figure he’s wrestled crocodiles and swam with sharks. You see a fat American and you assume he shops at Wal-Mart. It’s not quite fair, is it?

And what’s with the language? You hear an Aussie guy say “G’day mate!” with such enthusiasm that you smile politely. But hey man, it’s not a "good" "day" and we ain’t gonna mate. But when the chick (who is obviously badass) says “g’day mate!” it’s all “Hey-ho-helllooo!” And mating is required, obviously.

Weird stuff: “put shrimp on the bahbie” What the hell? I ain’t putting any shrimp on Barbie, that’s just a sick fetish thing. What’s wrong with that country? Although I hear that those crazy Northern Asians also have some sort of sushi version.

You can’t trust these people, they all come to the U.S. and sound like us, take our “badass dude” and “hot badass chick” acting gigs away from hard working Americans’. Then you hear them in the interview and it’s all “g’days” and “bahbies.” We’re being invaded, and it’s obviously a conspiracy.

It’s almost as bad as the Canadians, but you already know what they’re aboot.