Harry is a Cynic

The doorbell rang and Harry opened the door to find his sister.

“Uh, hi sis. What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a big sister visit her baby brother?”

“Sure she can, you’d just think she’d call first. C’mon in.”

Sarah came inside and took a long judgmental look around. “I was just in the neighborhood,” she said.

“Fancy that, have a seat. Want something to drink?”

“You drinking already?”

“Yeah sis, I drink all day. Let’s see,” Harry checked his watch. “It’s two o’clock, so I usually have iced tea.”

“Well okay, that’d be nice.”

Harry went to the kitchen to grab the drinks while Sarah puttered around in the living room. She picked at the magazines with her forefinger and thumb, as if she were afraid they were contaminated.

“Here you go,” Harry handed her a glass, which she checked for cleanliness. “Well, what can I do for you sis?” he asked.

“Since you ask… I was hoping that you could do me a favor and watch Chuck for a few days while Tom and I go out of
town for the weekend. It’d just be for the weekend, the 8th, 9th, and 10nth, we’d pick him up on Monday.”

“Yeah-no.”

“What do you mean no?”

“Chuck is a yappy little rat of a dog, and I really don’t want anything to do with him. Don’t they have places to leave your dogs when you go out of town?”

“Chuck doesn’t like those places, kennels can be traumatizing.”

“Dog’s get traumatized?” Chuck asked in mock amusement. “How can you tell? Do they…” Chuck’s phone starting ringing and he raised his hand at Sarah when he answered it.

Yellow.
Oh, hey hon, what’s up?
No.
No.
No.
Absolutely not.
Okay, that sounds reasonable.
Uh-huh, not a problem.
Yes I understand... I’ll wear a tie.
Fine, no tie!
No, seriously, I get it.
Alright, fine…no…. I’ll talk to you later.

“Good news?” Sarah asked.

“Not really, just Heather. She wants me to go to her brothers wedding.”

“That’s understandable.”

“That’s what I said. Then she wanted to make sure I would dress nice and I said I would. Y’know I told her I’d even wear a tie, but it’s not a “tie” kind of wedding, whatever that means. So I said fine, no tie. Of course now, I have no idea what kind of wedding it is, other than no ties.”

“It’s just a casual wedding.”

“Yeah, but what kind of casual? Hawaiian shirt casual? Jeans casual? I’ve got nothing to work with.”

“Well at least it sounds like it’s going well with Heather.”

“Is it now?”

“You have pet names and everything, I think it’s cute.”

“The hell you talking about?”

“You called her “hon” when you answered the phone.”

“Yeah, as in Attila.”

“Oh stop being such a jerk all the time.” Sarah drank some iced tea in an attempt to sway the conversation back on
herself. “So, are you going to watch Chuck for me?”

“No. Didn’t we already settle that?”

“How can you be so goddamn selfish all the time? I mean, how often to I ask you for anything, and then I ask you for one favor and it’s “’no, no, no, all the time.’ You’re such a prick.”

“How am I being selfish, you’re the one asking me to do something for you. Seems like you’re the selfish one.”

“Yeah, whatever Harry.” Sarah said in disgust.



The conversation carried on awkwardly for a few more minutes until Sarah made an excuse to leave. Harry didn’t mind.