Many of us have people we go to for advice, and some of us are the people who others come to for advice. Likely more of the former than latter, but one never can tell. However, I am willing to wager that we all know at least a couple of people who are more than willing to give out advice freely. In fact, probably a few that demand you listen to what they have to say.
To be fair, I’m pretty free with my own opinions and have little problem sharing my point of view. This probably relates to the fact that I’m indifferent to other people’s opinions, so I have no reason to be shy. I’m not looking for your approval or am vindicated by your acquiescence. This outlook can be extremely frustrating because it’s seemingly arrogant and fundamentally dismissive of other people. Let’s say that you and I have a difference of opinion. You are going to want to make your argument, then defend it, and then probably defend it some more. You will want to convince me, because it’s important I understand where you’re coming from. If I’m amused by the conversation I may even let you go through the motions, but if I’m bored I’ll cut you off. Chances are that I’m more secure with my convictions than you are, so I have no need to defend them. In other words, I don’t need you to believe or agree, I’m indifferent to your stance. Apathy makes the world go round.
Keeping all this in mind, I don’t tend to give much advice. I don’t offer it freely and when asked I flip-flop around an answer. Really, I just don’t like to and therefore mostly refuse. I’ll expand on my reasons in a bit.
Before we get to that, let me characterize the majority of these “advice givers.” It’s really all about worldview, because advice comes from our personal experiences. But an advice giver has a single worldview with minimal peripheral distraction. Their perspectives can certainly change whenever a life-altering event occurs, but they’ll still only be able to see the world one perspective at a time. Marriage, divorce, employment, unemployment, death of a loved one, birth of a child, illness, health, near death experience… you name it. Sometimes these things can completely change their perspective, and I’m talking a complete 180. And they will freely admit the change and explain how it’s expanded their understanding of the world, but we know it really hasn’t. They still only see things on a single plane, it just happens to be a new one.
So it’s simple, right? Black and white opinions are easy to share because they are definitive. If you know what to do because you see the right answer, then you are almost morally obligated to let people know about it. It’s one of the hardest parts of dealing with these types of people. If you ignore them it’s hurtful, because they are only trying to help. Hell, sometimes they may even be right! A broken clock is right at least twice a day, sometimes moreª.
Let’s get back to why I’m not a fan of giving advice. I could take the easy road and say that because I don’t see the world in black and white terms, I don’t have all the answers. I can’t help because I don’t know what to do; it’s a denial of culpability. But that’s not true. I do have an answer for everything. Not only do I have an answer for every possible scenario, I have multiple answers for most of them! There are times in my life where I might not know what I should do, but I always know things that I can do. There has never been a situation in the history of the world where there was no choice. And I know ya’ll hate that, because we want to be able to say that we had no options. But it isn’t true, there are often no good choices and only negative options, but that’s another issue entirely. A shitty group of cards is still a hand to play. If you’re curious about surface levels of looking at this philosophically, you may want to check out BATNA’s and WATNA’s. They are applicable to many situations.
You have to understand that I don’t see the world as a “this or that” situation. It’s far more complicated than that, and the very idea of right vs. wrong is touchy. There are certain extremes of grey that are nearly definitive, but it’s still not black and white. So if you want to go through your options and weigh the pros and cons, you may get me to listen. But if you want someone to tell you what you should so, go find some schmuck who is more than willing to share.
From not on all ya’ll who like to give advice should realize that I’m not going to be trusting. In fact, the more convinced you are about knowing what to do, the more skeptical I’ll be. Just so you know, when you try to steer a conversation hoping that I’ll ask you for advice, I know exactly what you are doing. So feel free to stop.
No comments:
Post a Comment