Life is interesting, if only because it never seems to change day by day until one day you wake up and realize that nothing is the same. I understand that this is in no way a new concept, and that it manifests itself in a variety of ways. But right now, for my generation, it’s concentrated on one idea.
The beginning is over.
I am, as are many of my friends, in the limbo stage of life where we’re in between youth and aged. We’re adults because we’ve passed the stage of youth, though we are still relatively young (late 20’s to mid 30’s.) You may wonder why this is interesting; it seems like a natural thing that happens to everybody. I’d have to agree with you, the only reason I find it interesting is because it’s happening to me.
The beginning is over.
When you are truly young the future is a big abyss full of whatever you want it to be. You literally have your whole life ahead of you, and can become whatever you want, do whatever you want, and have time for anything and everything. At least that’s what our parents and teachers told us. Ask and you shall receive. The fact that this ideology is utter bullshit is beside the point, because for the most part we believed it. We are afforded this luxury because time is only ahead of us, with almost nothing left behind.
Now I’m not saying that my generation is over the hill, or that our lives are over. If your twenties are the best years of your life, you are probably doing something wrong. However, the idea of promise and potential is a youthful ideal. The belief that we can do anything and be anyone is taken away.
I don’t get to start over, or erase the mistakes that I’ve made. There is no first time, or opportunity to try anything without consequence. I can try again. That’s the difference. The time of beginnings (yes you can have several) is over for me and mine. We now have all the baggage of our lives to carry with us wherever we go. We don’t get to start over; we only can try again. Hopefully our baggage is wisdom rather than regret, but if we’re honest we can only hope for a little of both.
In the end I’m not sure it really matters, because being young is overrated. It’s something we all want back, but we don’t really understand why. If we could do it again knowing what we know now, perhaps it would be better. But that’s not the way of it; it’s simply an open stage. And now that I know the rest of the stages of my life are going to continually be less open, I’m not sure what to make of things.
This is what we’re going through, and it’s what everyone else went through.
It’s still significant to me.
Coming from further down the road of adulthood, it saddens me to hear such hopelessness coming from one so ( from my perspective) young.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I agree that childhood is the open time. Sure, childhood can be full of fun and wonder. Unless it oppressive and difficult. Youth is exciting and free. Unless it isn't. Sometimes, childhood sucks, and youth is even worse.
Maybe you weren't told you could be anything you want to be.Maybe the world was not your oyster. Maybe you were told you couldn't do anything right, or you would never amount to anything, or sometimes, even worse, THIS is what you should be. Nothing else.
None of those statements are true.
So what do you do?
Start over. Begin again. Sift through the things you were told were true and find out what is true for you. Dismantle the lies. Particularly the ones you have learned to tell yourself. Maybe you believed the lies of others and ran with them. Perhaps you developed some new ones to protect yourself from anger , disappointment, or sorrow. Maybe you even sought out new lies to keep the old ones ringing true, because change is the hardest thing to do.
Begin again. Everyday is new. And when you aren't able to accomplish what you hope today, be courageous enough to try again tomorrow.
No, we can't be anything we want. We can only be who we are. But if we can learn to value that, we can be ALL that we are.
If you didn't have the childhood you see in magazines, consider it a gift. Because you have the opportunity to teach yourself what's possible.
You know what's important to you now. Picture yourself doing the things you want to do, even if you aren't there yet.
All the wisdom born of those mistakes you mentioned, paired with a new hopefulness is more powerful than any childhood proverb. And you can take those childlike eyes and see the world open up to you till the very end. You will do it consciously. And no one can take it away, no matter how elaborately they may fabricate their story.
You may not be able to grow up to be Superman, but you will be a superb human being.
Beginnings are just a place to start. Start now.
There is no sense of hopelessness related to a discussion of a transitional stage, and no reason to be sad about it.
ReplyDeleteI’m also not really talking about childhood, but rather the paradigm shift that occurs between having time completely on your side vs. the qualities of life you gain in exchange for time. Whether you were happy or sad, your life good or bad really doesn’t change the transition that ultimately occurs. I would actually call them unrelated issues. So much of what you say is a projection of a different issue altogether.
And I’m going to have to stick to my assertions in the post that there is no starting over anymore. You can start something different or try something again, but the life you have lived will always follow. And that is essentially the difference between the youthful and more aged/mature reflections on life.
Not being able to start over isn’t a negative, because beginnings are almost by definition naïve and prone to failure. Sometimes people decide to move on, but that’s not the same as the beginning. Beginning requires an empty slate, and you can’t get that back.
Maybe it's the terms starting over and starting new that are confusing. for some they may seem like the same thing. Especially if one has had what they consider to be an insignificant or difficult life. They may feel that there wasn't anything before and everything is new.
ReplyDeleteI understand that there are no do overs. If there were, I don't know too many people who wouldn't change at least a couple of things. No matter how much they claim they would not. I know I would.
I do take issue with the assertion that beginnings are naive and prone to failure. The more you learn the less naive they should be and the more you believe in them and work on them the more successful they will be.
I failed far more in my life when that is what I thought I would do.
I think we miss being "younger" because it sucks to have two drinks and wake up the next morning feeling like you were run over by an 18-wheeler.
ReplyDeleteAlso, what the hell are these creaking pains in my joints! WTF. ;)