Between a rock and a cold hard slap

We’ve all heard women say it: “Just don’t lie to me.” She’d much rather hear something hurtful that’s true than be deceived. She can forgive almost anything, as long as you are honest.

Bullshit.

Nobody wants to hear the truth all the time. Man, woman, child, your dog, nobody. The truth quite often sucks, that’s why we made up lying in the first place! Lying is great when used properly. Women know this, but sometimes they are in a bad mood and need to blame it on their man. Here are three of the conversation starters to get us on the defensive.


Does this _______ make me look fat?

Umm… no? There’s no right answer here. If you say no you are lying and not even paying attention. Saying yes is even worse. We’ll call this the sitcom classic.


Do you think she’s pretty?

Who?

You know who.

Well of course I know who, the pretty one. That’s what pretty people are for!

I know you were looking.

Dammit…


Do you think I should get breast implants?

Yes, no, whatever. I know there is a big media push about beauty, but ya’ll are over-thinking this stuff. We’re guys, generally naked is all it takes to make us happy. But no, you need us to take a position. And you get mad at us even if we say no! As far as I’m concerned if you want a bigger bust by all means go for it. But you can always just do it the old fashioned way and get pregnant.

Guys, you can't win here. Forget about watching the game, it's over.