Just to clarify.

I guess I must be confusing, because it seems like many of the people around me have really off the wall impressions. I’m a relatively uncomplicated guy as far as things go, but apparently that doesn’t always get across. I take full responsibility here.

People seem to want to fix me, which is intriguing because I never knew that I was broken. It’s always something to get at the “real” me, as opposed to this petty impersonation I’ve been doing all my life. It really runs the gamut: quit drinking, get married, go gluten free, yadda, yadda, yadda.

On a side note, and I believe I speak for everyone here. Vegans? Fuck off. Seriously.

Back to the topic at hand, some people have solutions to the problems that I’ve never noticed. Let’s just settle this here, because apparently I’ve been unclear. Here’s my schtick:

I’m kind of an asshole, but sometimes I’m funny.

That’s it! Simple, right? Told you so. So now we can all leave my “inner teddy bear” or any other bullshit you think I’m hiding alone.

Thanks!