Crises

I imagine that there are several people who won't like this, or try to turn it on my as some sort of personal perspective.  But it really isn't, because I've never been put in a position where I've been really tested like this.  But I've always been interested in crises of faith (religious and otherwise.)  What would we do, and how would we respond if push came to shove?  I think anger is easy.  But I don't know if that means it's always wrong.

            “Cause you’re not God,” she said.

            “Because I’m not God?  That’s your answer?  Because…I’m…not…God.  Not God.  Not God,” he responded.

            “Who do you think you are?  Who are we to do anything?  We can’t do something like this; we just have to let the police handle it.  We don’t know what to do, we don’t know how to do it.  And we don’t have the right to do anything about it,” she said.

            “The right. To. Do. Anything…” he said softly.  “You’re right, I’m not God.  You aren’t God.  Are the police God?  Do they have His holy blessing to fix this?  They’re letting him get away, they can’t hold him.  You heard the detective, ‘my hands are tied.’”

            “It’s not our place, there’s nothing we can do.”

            “Where is God anyway?  Better question, where was He?”

            She sat silent.

            “Where was He?”

            “I don’t know!”

            “C’mon, preach to me sister.  I’m not God, you’re not God, the police aren’t God.  God wasn’t there and now we’re here picking up the pieces.”

            “God was there, and I don’t know why this happened.  You’re the preacher and you know it, you always have been.  Where’s your faith?  We wait, and in the end justice will be done.  That’s promised to us.  We don’t know everything.”

            “But we do know some things, don’t we?  We do know that Stephanie, WHO IS A CHILD, will never be okay.  She may never wake up again.  Hell, after all that’s happened, maybe she should never wake up.  That must be where God is.”

            “Stop it!  Stop talking like that!”

            “But I see God in this now, isn’t that want you wanted?  Stephanie’s torn little body, her shattered mind…there’s no pain now.  She’s in a bed, with a tube forced down her throat that makes her breathe.  Her tiny heart is struggling to beat, second by second.  God forbid that she should ever wake up and feel the pain.”

            “Shut up!  Just shut up!  She’s my daughter, not yours!  You really think this is about Stephanie?  This is about you.  It’s all about you!  Do you think going out there will make this better?  Can you bring my daughter back?  How is losing you going to help make this family whole again?  You will fix nothing, and just be gone when we all need you.”

            He sat silent, stunned by the force of his grieving sister.  He was stunned by himself, and how strongly he felt and how little control he had.  He wondered if he was being selfish, wondered if he was betraying his niece.  Did it all get turned around?  Was this the wrong thing?

            “You’re right, of course.  You’re always right.  We don’t know everything and I’m definitely not God.  I have no right to do anything, no right at all...  But we do know some things.  And I know enough.  I know who he is, I know what he is, and I know what he’s done.  And that’s all I know and all I need.  I know that I’m gonna kill him.  Maybe that’s God’s plan for me.  Maybe He doesn’t have a plan.  Maybe He just doesn’t care enough.  But I will kill that man.  I do know that.”