When Carrie knocked on the door she felt very alone. She thought about how it used to be her door too, and sometimes she wanted it back. When Jack opened the door she gave a feeble “hello.” He welcomed her in with an awkward hug of people who used to know each other.
“How’s it going, Care?” Jack asked.
She shrugged her shoulders, “San Diego’s nice I guess. How are you doing? Things better at work?”
“Work’s fine. Still just working for the weekends. But what about you, how’s the new job?”
“It’s not that new anymore,” she responded.
“No, I suppose it isn’t.”
“But it’s still good. I really like what I’m doing.”
“Good, I’m glad… Anyway, do you have time for some coffee or something? Y’know, to catch up or whatever? You don’t have to, I’ve got your stuff boxed up over there in the corner.” Jack pointed.
“You still have my tea?” Carrie asked before she even had a chance to think about it. Her plan was to get in and out as fast as possible, and she wasn’t sure what compelled her to stay. This whole thing was just a little too awkward for her, and she figured Jack was only trying to be polite.”
“You still drink English Breakfast in the evening?”
“Some things never change.”
He smiled. “Have a seat on the couch, I’ll put some water on.”
Carrie sat down and looked around the living room. Most of the furniture was the same. She only had taken a few things; it was mostly Jack’s stuff anyway. But the walls seemed bare without any of her pictures. It made the TV look even bigger than before, if that was even possible. She chuckled at the thought.
Jack came back with a plate of cheese and crackers.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Carrie said.
“I didn’t,” he responded. “Its just stuff I had laying around.”
Carrie smiled meekly as Jack went back to the kitchen.
“We having wine?” she hollered out.
“Come again?” Jack peeked his head in the hallway.
‘”Nothing. I just asked if we were drinking wine, Y’know with the cheese and crackers.”
“We could. The cabinet’s full if you want to pick one out.”
“That’s okay,” Carrie said. Jack went back to the kitchen to get the water. He never drank wine before they were together. She thought that maybe something of their relationship will live on after all.
Jack came back with the tea.
“It’s a little hot, be careful, “ he warned.
“It’s supposed to be hot,” she smiled back.
“”Maybe it’s too hot then.” Jack sat down across from her on the love seat. That was always her favorite chair.
“So,” Jack broke in. “What’s the story? It’s been a long time, did the move go well? Liking the weather? Making new friends? What’s the scoop?”
“No story,” she said. “Move went okay, you know how much I hate moving. The place is actually really nice, but I’ll probably move closer to the beach when the lease ends. What’s the point of moving to San Diego if you don’t live near the beach, right?” She tried to laugh, Jack just smiled to himself.
“But yeah,” she continued. “Like I said, I like the work, working with good people. They seem to like what I do.”
“They should, they did make you move out there.”
“They didn’t make me, Jack.”
“I suppose they didn’t. But that all sounds really great. Like it’s all working out; you made the right decision going out there.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel guilty like that, you know what you’re doing.” Carrie looked at her shoes. “You knew how important that job was to me.”
“I’m not! Really! Hey, Carrie… Carrie? C’mon, look at me.” He waited until their eyes met. “You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, nothing at all. It wasn’t the only thing going on between us, and it really just ended up being good timing for you. Besides, if you’re happy then I’m happy for you. It’s the job you always wanted and worked so hard for, and a place you like to live. It turned out to be the right move.”
“It’s not that simple, Jack.”
“It really is, Carrie.”
“Not really.”
Carrie stayed quite for a few moments drinking her tea to collect herself. Jack didn’t interrupt. It’s one of the things she always loved about him; he always knew when she needed him to be quiet.
“Sometimes, not always… but sometimes I miss us. I mean, we were together a really long time,” she finally said.
“Yep, and we had some good times.”
“We did, didn’t we? Sometimes it’s hard to remember how it was, is that bad? I mean, what happened to us? There was a time when we were really happy, wasn’t there?”
“I dunno what happened… this, that, some other thing. Life throws funny things at you, I always thought you were too good for me anyhow.”
“Oh shut up, it wasn’t all me.”
“Nah, probably mostly not,” Jack said. “To be honest with you Care, I knew then and know even better now that you aren’t ready to settle down just yet. You’ve got all these things you want to accomplish, all these ridiculously specific goals.” He snorted a laugh, “c’mon, you have to admit some of them are pretty absurd.
She shrugged her shoulders in amusement, “I might have to get over a few.”
“You think fixing the world is a little too lofty an ambition?”
“I think that I’ll keep that one.”
“You would, but anyway. You’ve got all this unfinished business and stuff in life you want to do. And, I think, all kinds of people you want to meet and experience. And I love that about you, I really do. But we don’t really fit into those plans… I don’t fit. Like you said, long time. What would our next move have been? We’d have to have tried setting down roots. And you aren’t ready.”
“And you are,” she stated matter of factly.
“Yes. No.” Jack paused, “I’m less sure of what I’m ready for now than I was then. I think that I was rushing in one direction and you were rushing in another.”
“And then I got the job.”
“We were working on this stuff before the job.” Jack said.
“But then we stopped working on it.”
“Yeah.”
“Still seems like my fault, like I gave up on us. It was about me and what I wanted.”
“It’s more an even blame thing, if you can even call it blame. You didn’t give up on you and your dreams, and that’s what’s important. That’s what makes it the right decision. I’m glad you did it.”
“Glad?”
“Sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” Carrie mused.
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